Wandering with Self
re-engaging, rather than succumbing to the momentary quick exit and equally opportune potential to perpetuate, a state of being lost.
There is great value in acknowledging when to take an emotional rain check. It seems rather obvious when the moment of overwhelm arrives. Or the dropping in of a truth; when a realisation reveals a space that feels suddenly too open, as though something has cracked open the thoughts you were using to create the cosier version of what you imagined you were moving towards. Take heed. If you suddenly feel energised through some method of mass distraction, numerous activities to attend to, work that simply must be done, or fall into a slump over-populated by screen time and/or the addiction you habitually turn towards, take heed.
The truest care we can offer the self, is to look into this sudden void, where it seems previously designed thoughts can no longer live, and allow the self to wander in there. Not to get lost.
Wandering, even if in sadness, pain, confusion - which ever feelings we meet along the way in our not knowing, does not have to mean getting lost. We may have to lose a few old thoughts, a person, a job, a situation, but we also get to meet ourselves again in the void. Not knowing, is not lost. Not knowing is a state for observing, inquisition, and deep caring. Caring enough about ourselves, about others, about this life, to take care in our processing. To take care with our way of being. (I’m deeply grateful for Elena Brower’s
sharing of the Zen Peacemakers’ 3 tenets practice, which felt so synchronistically ‘diagnosed’ for my own processing).How do we allow ourselves to wander through our inner rivers so that they can keep flowing and transforming, rather than damming up with stony diversions and fearful protection mechanisms? We simply have to pay attention. To question, to wander through (rather than wonder), observe, feel. Maybe we don’t know how we will arrive at the other end, or precisely which parts of us are asking to be released, realised or awakened, and that is okay. But we have a greater chance of making the decision that best supports the progression of our soul journey, if we are prepared to first and foremost, be willing to acknowledge what is not okay. And then be willing to explore why and how it can come to feel better than okay again.
Look at both sides. Stay. It becomes ok. ❤️